Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
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