i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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