pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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