ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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