but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
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