Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
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We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
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Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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