I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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