I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
