I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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