ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
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He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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