My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
she peed on how many people?
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
