I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
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