Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
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