You're completely useless in the revolution.
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Randomize
