I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
