He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
She told me I should be a condom model.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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