I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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