Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
