cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
