Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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