Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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