Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I need a beard to bite.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
