pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
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