Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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