doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
