I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
