I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
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