I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
