I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
