He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
