He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
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