you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
