i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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