remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
