i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
We left an ass print on the piano.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
