plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Randomize
