Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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