when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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