I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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