the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
