That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
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It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
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No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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