its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
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I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
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I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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