so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
