we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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