I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
