All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
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dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
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P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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