I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
