So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
