I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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