Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
