So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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