Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
