So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
