Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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