sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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