Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
