hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
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