i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
