Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
