My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
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