Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Randomize
