I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
