I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
